


tell-all tale

by spikeymarshmallows



Series: Banned Together Bingo 2020 [1]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Light-Hearted, M/M, Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting, Sibling Incest, but it is mentioned, no actual sexual abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:53:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24150868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spikeymarshmallows/pseuds/spikeymarshmallows
Summary: "I mean, V didn't really shy away from the abuse, or the whole incest thing. It's not that far of a jump."*Vanya's book brought up questions that Diego didn't really want to answer.
Relationships: Diego Hargreeves/Klaus Hargreeves
Series: Banned Together Bingo 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1742827
Comments: 15
Kudos: 243
Collections: Banned Together Bingo 2020





	tell-all tale

**Author's Note:**

> For the [Banned Together Bingo 2020](https://bannedtogetherbingo2020.tumblr.com/)  
> Prompt: Child Sexual Abuse [Bingo card coming soon! I requested some changes so I'll link when I have the new one]
> 
> Thought I'd make my own subversion of it. 
> 
> So, TW: referenced child sexual abuse, but it did not happen. Reginald was still a bag of dicks though so... Canon-typical abuse, but no sexual abuse.  
> Oh yeah, and the usual Kliego incest : D

Klaus stirred his milkshake around messily and then took a large gulp. Once he'd taken a good, long mouthful, he pulled a flask from the inside of his coat. He looked around obviously and then poured some clear liquid into the drink, stirring it with his straw again. Diego could smell the alcohol from across the table.

"Jesus, is that paint stripper?" Diego asked flatly as he watched. He didn't bother trying to stop Klaus this time, mind elsewhere. 

Klaus batted his eyelashes at Diego as he took another drink. "Ah, much better."

Diego rolled his eyes.

"What's got your knickers in a knot today? I mean, more than usual."

"Nothing. I'm fine," Diego huffed.

"Liar."

Diego chewed the inside of his lip and looked away from Klaus. He was silent for a minute while Klaus kept sucking at his drink, stirring it every few mouthfuls to get the whipped cream to blend.

"Have you had any weird questions since Vanya's book came out?" Diego asked finally.

Klaus perked up, obviously interested.

"You're gonna need to be more specific there, chief. I get weird questions by nature of existing. I suppose it's to be expected for a colourful creature, such as myself," he said with a melodramatic sigh. 

Diego frowned, pressing his lips together. "Eudora asked if Dad ever…" He hesitated over the words. "You know…" He trailed off, hoping Klaus would just get it without him needing to say it.

Klaus cocked his head to the side. "No, I don't know. If Dad ever what?"

Diego rolled his eyes. "If Dad ever _touched_ us."

Klaus snorted. "Dad? Touch us? Unless you mean to backhand us."

"No, I don't mean like that."

Klaus' eyes were bloodshot; not as bad as Diego had seen before, but he was still evidently stoned. Finally recognition crossed his face. His eyes widened in horror and then he wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Oh, god, ew. No. No! She really asked that?"

Diego nodded, lips pressed tightly together.

"Dad wouldn't even _hug_ us. The only time I can ever remember making physical contact was when he grabbed me by the arm to shove me in that damn mausoleum. He barely even touched us to hit us! He used his cane for that. Ew, god, why would she think that?"

"I don't know!" Diego huffed. "I guess she read Vanya's book and was worried?"

"I mean, Dad was a giant prick but he'd never… Ew." He shuddered. "I mean, thank god, but… Jesus."

"Yeah," Diego agreed shortly.

Before Klaus could launch into any further rambles, their food arrived. Klaus dove into his burger like it was the first meal he'd eaten in days. Knowing what Diego did of Klaus' lifestyle, it probably _was_ the first meal he'd had in days.

Diego took his own meal a little slower, not all that hungry.

"Have you read her book yet, by the way?" Klaus said around a disgustingly large mouthful of food.

"Nope." He had no intentions of changing that.

"I can kinda see where Eudora got it from. I mean, V didn't really shy away from the abuse, or the whole incest thing. It's not that far of a jump."

Diego's eyes widened and he leant on his forearms against the table. "She didn't fucking what now?"

Klaus waved offhandedly at him. "Chill, chill. She only talked about Allison and Luther. Guess we must've been more subtle than we thought."

Diego sat back, exhaling in relief. "Klaus, you wouldn't know subtle if it punched you in the throat."

Klaus shrugged and took another mouthful of his food before talking again. "God, maybe _I_ need to write a tell-all book. Except mine will have a lot more salacious stories. Much more enthralling to the readers." He swallowed and nodded to himself. "I can tell everyone how I lost my virginity to you on my bedroom floor." He grinned wolfishly. 

Against his will, Diego's mind supplied flashes of that memory, the desperation and need despite their teenage awkwardness. He pretended he was unaffected and shoved another fry in his mouth.  


Klaus shook his head. "I can't believe she didn't write about that. I wasn't exactly quiet all those times."

"Not for lack of trying," Diego grumbled to himself.

Klaus beamed at him. "Please, you loved making me scream."

Diego swallowed to try and bring moisture back to his mouth.

Klaus smirked at him and even though he was evidently a little stoned and a little drunk, when he looked at Diego he made and kept his eye contact. He sucked his lower lip into his mouth before finally looking away again.

"So, you and Eudora aren't back together, right…?" Klaus asked with forced casualness.

"No." Diego cleared his throat. "No, we're not."

"Hmm, pity," Klaus said idly, popping another fry in his mouth. "So, do you have any plans for this afternoon?"

Diego's mouth twisted into a smirk. "What did you have in mind?"

"Oh, you know. Figured if I was going to write my own tell-all erotic novel, I should revisit some things. Give myself a refresher. Memory isn't nearly as good as it used to be, you know?"

"Klaus, we hooked up less than three weeks ago."

"I guess it can't have been all that memorable then, can it?"

Diego rolled his eyes and chuckled. "I'm sure I can clear my schedule."


End file.
